Image: I Hear You by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 7 out of 10. A good book on providing validation to enhance relationships.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD, author of unJoy / 12.24.2020; No. 29
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Star Rating – 7 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Author
Michael Sorensen
About the author
Michael Sorensen is a marketing director who evolved into a motivational speaker and relationship coach following the success of this book.
General description
I Hear You is a book about the basic but powerful concept of validation in relationships. Skillful use of validation with others is associated with healthier relationships at work, at home and with friends. In this brief book, the author seeks to answer an important question: “What if making one tweak to your day-to-day conversations could immediately improve every relationship in your life?” Topics covered in this book include:
Examples of conversations using validation strategies
The difference between validating and invalidating responses
The reason why effective validation is different from and can be more effective than reflective listening
An in-depth explanation of the Four Step Validation Method
Unique and most important aspects
I Hear You is a concise, readable book. The author helpfully summarizes his main points at the end of each chapter. Validation is a critical communication skill for relationships. Some people already have this skill but do not use it, and others aren’t sure exactly how to do it. This book is for both groups of people. Important concepts in this book include:
Contrasting sympathy and empathy
Emphasizing the importance of empathy with Empathy Tips
Outlining the importance of giving your full attention in interactions with others
Explaining how to provide a Micro Validation
Sharing basic steps in validation and why, after validating someone, you validate them again
Best quotes
“In order to have empathy for others, you need to identify and accept their emotions without judgment.”
“In today’s fast-paced, ever-connected world, we have dozens of distractions vying for our attention. You might think that as long as you seem attentive in a conversation, it’s okay to let your mind work on other things. Nothing could be further from the truth. When we’re not fully present, people notice.”
“Researchers discovered that passively supportive reactions (i.e., quiet, understated support) were just as harmful to a relationship as actively destructive reactions (i.e., deliberately shooting down the other person’s thoughts or feelings).”
Who would enjoy this book?
Anyone looking for a book that explains the basics of validation in relationships and how to provide validation in an easy, stepwise manner would likely enjoy I Hear You.
Who would not enjoy this book?
People who are looking for a book with many relationship strategies in addition to validation might not enjoy I Hear You.
Conclusion
I Hear You is a good book on providing validation to enhance relationships.