Image: When Worry Works by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 6 out of 10. A good book that addresses the maladaptive patterns that parents can experience when reacting to anxiety over their adolescent’s academic achievement.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD, author of unJoy / 6.8.2023; No. 112
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Star Rating – 6 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Author
Dana Dorfman
About the author
Dana Dorfman, PhD, is a Manhattan-based psychotherapist, lecturer, workshop facilitator, and advisor who has worked with mental health agencies, parenting centers, and schools. She achieved her masters and doctorate in clinical social work from the Silver School of Social Work at New York University. Dr. Dorfman is a contributor to a variety of publications, including the New York Times, CNN, Wall Street Journal, Parents, and Oprah Daily, and she is the co-host of the 2 Moms on the Couch podcast.
General description
When Worry Works is a book that helps parents recognize and address their own anxiety responses surrounding their adolescent’s individuation and academic achievement. In the first few chapters, the author offers an overview of the concept of “parental achievement anxiety” and the pros and cons of experiencing stress and anxiety. Dr. Dana Dorfman explains how our reactions to anxiety can be counterproductive and how parents’ anxieties and fears can lead to unwanted self-fulfilling prophecies or other harm. In the remaining chapters of the book, the author outlines her concept of PARTs, which stands for “Parent Anxiety Reaction Types”. PARTs are the eight patterns Dr. Dorfman has identified in anxious, achievement-driven parents whom she works with in her clinical practice. She has assigned playful names to the patterns:
Sculptors
Game show contestants
Crowd pleasers
Avoiders
Clairvoyants
Shepherds
Correctors
Replicators
The appendix includes “The Parenting Decision-Making Worksheet,” which is designed to help parents recognize and cope with their fears for their kids and make decisions based on their values instead of their anxiety.
Unique and most important aspects
When Worry Works is an easy-to-read book for parents. Dr. Dana Dorfman shares interesting stories from her clinical practice that explore why the best efforts of parents are backfiring because of their anxiety responses regarding their teen’s academic success. Dr. Dana Dorfman utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) strategies – the most research-supported approaches – to help parents reframe their thoughts to tame their emotions and align parenting responses with parental values. The author uses these strategies and encourages the reader to consider their own experiences in understanding and dealing with their parenting style when it comes to achievement anxiety for their adolescent.
Because the subtitle of the book is How to Harness Your Parenting Stress and Guide Your Teen to Success, I was anticipating a book with ideas and examples of leveraging anxiety responses advantageously. While the author lists positive attributes (referred to as “perks”) for four of the eight different PARTs, she focuses mostly on identifying and correcting maladaptive parenting patterns, rather than using anxiety positively toward a desired outcome. The author’s approach appears reasonable, however, readers may find it difficult to apply the strategies without the support of a trained individual or family therapist. Important features of this book include:
Outlining common cognitive distortions in anxious parents
Black-and-white thinking
Catastrophizing
Overgeneralizing
Magnification and minimization
Jumping to conclusions
Belief bias
Using six different solutions for cognitive distortions
Fact-checking
Decatastrophizing
Word replacement
Socratic questioning
Identifying triggers
Nonjudgmental stance
Best quotes
“Many of us are engaging in what I call an achievement-anxiety feedback loop.”
“We’ve all seen and read books on helping your teen with anxiety or managing academic stress, but this book offers parents a roadmap to recognize the ways that they may be inadvertently perpetuating or exacerbating their teens’ stress.”
“Yet my intention to dig deeply into this topic had not been solely based on my personal efforts for preparedness. Instead, it had been largely prompted by my grave concern for the growing number of adolescents in my practice (and their parents) who were manifesting achievement stress.”
Who would enjoy this book?
Readers who are interested in a parenting book that helps them to identify maladaptive thoughts and behaviors when anxious over their teen’s success are likely to enjoy When Worry Works.
Who would not enjoy this book?
People who are interested in a book on general parenting approaches or a book that comprehensively addresses the current youth mental health crisis are unlikely to enjoy When Worry Works.
Conclusion
When Worry Works is a good book that addresses the maladaptive patterns that parents can experience when reacting to anxiety over their adolescent’s academic achievement.