Image: SOS Help for Parents by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 8 out of 10. An excellent parenting book with a primary focus on behavioral approaches, such as time-outs, in parenting children age 12 and younger.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD, author of unJoy / 10.21.2020; No. 22
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Star Rating – 8 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Author
Lynn Clark
About the author
Lynn Clark, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Western Kentucky University and former Adjunct Professor of Education for Boston University. He also authored the book SOS Help for Emotions.
General description
SOS Help for Parents is a book for parents who are interested in learning about behavioral approaches, rather than attachment/relational approaches, to raising their kids and addressing misbehavior. The book is written for parents with kids age 12 and younger. Throughout the book, Dr. Clark elaborates on some very basic parenting strategies that he calls the “Three Child Rearing Rules,” which work very well when applied correctly:
Rule #1: “Reward good behavior (and do it quickly and often).”
Rule #2: “Don’t ‘accidentally’ reward bad behavior.”
Rule #3: “Correct some bad behavior (but use mild correction only).”
Topics covered in this book include:
Descriptions of mildly correcting a child
The rationale for not spanking or showing other forms of aggression, such as yelling, toward your child
How and when to show disapproval to your child when they misbehave
When to take a step back and allow your child to experience a natural consequence
How to apply logical consequences in parenting
How to perform a time-out and strategies to use when children resist a time-out
Unique and most important aspects
Although I typically prefer relational, attachment-based parenting approaches, SOS Help for Parents surpassed my expectations. This is the best parenting book on behavioral approaches that I have found. It is not as well-known as the behavioral parenting book 1-2-3 Magic, however, it is a much better book.
SOS Help for Parents is well-written and organized and the ideas are easy to understand and remember. The author also includes a helpful appendix that provides useful background information and charts that you can copy to use at home. The principles taught in this book are timeless and backed by research, however, the style elements seem a bit dated and the marketing of other resources is mildly off-putting. Some readers might be surprised to find that nearly half of the book’s content - not including the appendix - is on how to perform a time-out correctly, and the other half is on basic parenting approaches. In addition to time-outs, Dr. Clark describes several other effective parenting strategies.
Readers should keep in mind that this book does not replace other parenting books, such as those that focus primarily on enhancing the parent-child relationship. However, the book does provide basic strategies for extinguishing negative behaviors before parents lose control of their own emotions. Other important elements in this book include:
Outlining “Four Child Rearing Errors to Avoid”
How to give an effective command to your child
How to engage in active ignoring to extinguish a child’s negative behavior
How to do behavioral shaping, such as rewarding a good alternative behavior
How to use Grandma’s Rule (“after you do your chore, then you get to play”) correctly
Managing your child’s negative behavior when away from home
Using point systems/charts and contracts with your child
Timing-out a toy instead of a child
Talking to kids about their aggressive or dangerous behavior
Using reflective listening to help children share their feelings
Best quotes
“Child research studies conducted in the United States and other countries show a 50 to 90 percent reduction in a wide variety of problem behaviors with the use of behavioral methods.”
“Some parents are stingy with their praise and attention. They may say that they are too busy or that the child ought to demonstrate good behavior without being rewarded for it. Parents who are stingy with smiles, hugs, and words of praise don’t realize the powerful effect of frequently rewarding their child’s desirable behavior.”
Who would enjoy this book?
Readers who are looking for a concise book on behavioral approaches to parenting that have a firm evidence-base in research would likely enjoy SOS Help for Parents.
Who would not enjoy this book?
Readers who are already adamantly opposed to time-outs or who would be bothered by advertising in the main content of the book might not enjoy SOS Help for Parents.
Conclusion
SOS Help for Parents is an excellent parenting book with a primary focus on behavioral approaches, such as time-outs, in parenting children age 12 and younger.