Image: Peaceful Parent Happy Kids by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 5 out of 10. A solid parenting book with useful information for parents of young children.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD, author of unJoy / 10.18.2020; No. 21
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Star Rating – 5 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Author
Laura Markham
About the author
Laura Markham, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, the founding editor of the online parenting resource Aha! Parenting, a parenting coach and the developer of a parenting approach called Peaceful Parenting. She has published several books on parenting.
General description
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is a parenting book that covers three areas in parenting:
Regulating Yourself
Fostering Connection
Coaching, Not Controlling
Dr. Markham addresses the importance of parents maintaining control of their own emotional reactions and behaviors as a foundation of parenting and from there taking steps to enhance connectedness in the parent-child relationship. The majority of the book addresses ways in which parents can coach their children and help them to have more positive, cooperative behavior and emotional responses that are better regulated. While Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is written for parenting kids up to age 9, the parenting advice is helpful and sound for kids of all ages. Topics covered in this book include:
A rationale for parents learning to regulate their own emotional responses and enhance their connection in their relationship with their children
Developmental stages
Concepts such as attachment-based parenting, being an emotion-coach, emotional intelligence and mastery coaching (helping your child acquire a skill for life)
Action Guides that help parents address common parenting challenges
Different parenting styles
Activities for enhancing connection in your relationship with your child
The difference between a time-in and a time-out
Unique and most important aspects
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is an ambitious book considering the range of ages and topics covered. The core messages that Dr. Markham conveys to the readers are research-based as well as practical. She shares important foundational approaches to parenting. While I found it to be a long read, other parents might appreciate the detailed explanations provided for some of the parenting concepts. I believe that a few of the playful parenting approaches recommended in the book could backfire and accidentally increase the behavior of your child that you want to stop, so if you find that a specific recommendation is making things worse, then select a different strategy. Important concepts from this book include that:
Some of the parenting advice is categorized by your child’s age (0-13 months, 13-36 months, 3-5 years and 6-9 years)
Parents can overcome negative experiences that they had when they were kids
Research clearly shows that spanking is a bad idea
Punishment or consequence-oriented parenting can negatively affect your relationship with your child and limit their skill acquisition
Special Time can enhance your relationship with your child (you can learn more about Special Time in my article, “Special Time – the Most Fun You’ll Have as a Parent”)
Parents can calm themselves through the “Three-Minute Process to Shift Yourself from Upset to Peace”
There is a very long list of positive and creative approaches to helping your child become cooperative and emotionally well-regulated
Best quotes
“Over and over, studies show that parents who respond with warm, respectful attunement to the unique needs of their individual child, setting limits supportively and coaching their child’s emotions constructively, raise terrific kids. Sensible, but hard. As every parent knows, the hard part is managing our own emotional triggers so that we can make this a reality even some of the time.”
“The most obvious sign that your relationship with your child needs some repair work is defiance. Children will always have priorities that differ from ours, but they want to feel good about their relationship with us, so they actually want to cooperate. When they don’t, it’s usually a signal of disconnection. So defiance isn’t a discipline problem, it’s a relationship problem.”
Who would enjoy this book?
Readers who are struggling in parenting young children and want a resource with sound, evidence-based advice would likely enjoy Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.
Who would not enjoy this book?
Readers who are looking for information on parenting older kids or readers who are looking for a more concise resource might not enjoy Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.
Conclusion
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is a solid parenting book with useful information for parents of young children.