Image: Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 10 out of 10. One of the best books on marriage.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD, author of unJoy / 4.13.2020; No. 13
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Star Rating – 10 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Authors
John Gottman and Nan Silver
About the authors
Dr. John Gottman is a world-renowned psychologist, researcher and expert on marital and parent-child relationships.
Nan Silver is the former Editor-in-Chief of Health magazine and has co-authored several books on marriage with Dr. Gottman.
General description
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a book written to help people have happier marriages. Dr. Gottman has claimed that he can predict divorce with 91% accuracy. He backs the validity of this claim with the research he has done in laboratory settings with couples. Dr. Gottman successfully explodes the myths that are commonly held by couples and marriage counselors. He describes the warning signs of marriages at risk and outlines a roadmap for improvement.
Unique and most important aspects
Dr. John Gottman’s book on marriage contains a wealth of tools for understanding thoughts and behaviors that are toxic to a marriage, as well as how to solve these problems. The book is helpful if the reader completes the book and accompanying exercises. The completion of the book and its exercises is essential, as a reader who stops partway through might conclude that a relationship is hopeless without learning that there are many strategies to save it. Important concepts from this book include:
The history and philosophy of your marriage
Where you are having marital conflicts
How to solve your solvable problems
Whether or not your marriage is primed for romance
Learning how to talk to each other about sex in a way that lets you both feel safe
A sample of some of the tools provided in this book include:
Love Maps Questionnaire
The Love Map 20 Questions game
The Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire
The “Emotional Bank Account” exercise
The Shared Meaning Questionnaire
Best quotes
“What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.”
“The notion that you can save your marriage just by learning to communicate more sensitively is probably the most widely held misconception about happy marriages – but it’s hardly the only one. Over the years, I’ve found many other myths that are not only false but potentially destructive to a marriage because they can lead couples down the wrong path or, worse, convince them that their marriage is a hopeless case.”
Who would enjoy this book?
Readers who want to improve or save their marriage are likely to enjoy The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Who would not enjoy this book?
Readers who do not finish the book (i.e., read about warning signs but not solutions) might not enjoy this book.
Conclusion
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is one of the best books on saving and enhancing your marriage.