Book Review – Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World
Image: Queen Bees and Wannabes by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 9 out of 10. The best book on bullying among girls.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD / 1.3.2020; No. 3
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Star Rating – 9 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Author
Rosalind Wiseman
About the author
Rosalind Wiseman is active in social justice and founded Cultures of Dignity, an organization that works with communities on combating hatred, bigotry and fear.
General description
Even if you never saw the movie Mean Girls, you may have heard of Queen Bees and Wannabes. I’m a child psychiatrist and this is my go-to book for parents whose daughters are dealing with bullying. This book is an eye-opener for parents. It will lead you to ask the right questions to learn what is going on when your daughter is being bullied.
One of my favorite parts of this book is the description of the hierarchy and different roles of a clique: Queen Bee, Sidekick, Banker, Messenger, Pleaser/Wannabe, Torn Bystander, Target and Champion. Understanding where your daughter fits in her social group will help you to better anticipate what she is likely to go through.
Unique and important aspects
Queen Bees and Wannabes sparked the creation of the movie Mean Girls and the Broadway musical Mean Girls. Queen Bees and Wannabes is a comprehensive book. It’s meant to be read in chunks rather than from cover to cover, as it can be rather difficult to absorb all of the helpful advice if read all at once. Important ideas from this book:
Introduces the SEAL strategy for girls who are dealing with relationship conflict
Defines the hierarchy, roles and behaviors in cliques
Describes landmines, which are interpersonal responses that shut down rather than improve communication in relationships
Covers topics not directly related to bullying but which give you a better glimpse into your daughter’s life
Outlines a “Bill of Rights” with people she likes
Best quote
“Cliques are sophisticated, complex and multilayered, and every girl has a role within them. However, positions in cliques aren’t static. A girl can lose her position to another girl, and she can move up and down the social hierarchy. The reality is that few girls are stuck in one role, and they can often have moments of being something else or a combination.”
Who would enjoy this book?
Any parent of a high-school-age or younger girl.
Who would not enjoy this book?
People who struggle reading longer books may not enjoy Queen Bees and Wannabes. It is a very comprehensive book. If you tend to like shorter books, you may want to look elsewhere or purchase this book as an audiobook.
Conclusion
Queen Bees and Wannabes is probably the best book on girl bullying. Parents who read through this book are likely to have a better understanding of social dynamics in cliques and how to be helpful when their daughters are struggling with relationship conflict and bullying.