Book Review – Parenting from the Inside Out
Image: Parenting from the Inside Out by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 6 out of 10. A good book for parents to better understand how their experiences have shaped their interactions with their children and the steps they can take to improve their parenting.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD / 8.19.2021; No. 44
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Star Rating – 6 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Authors
Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell
About the authors
Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is a pediatric psychiatrist, researcher and bestselling author of books on parenting and child emotional development. He is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, Co-director of the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute.
Mary Hartzell (1944-2019), MEd, was a child development specialist and the director of First Presbyterian Nursery School in Santa Monica, which incorporates the Reggio Emilia approach in its curriculum. She also created a parenting course with Dr. Siegel on parent-child relationships.
General description
Parenting from the Inside Out is a book written to encourage parents to reflect on their own life experiences to gain understanding and perspective that will help their children. This book includes general approaches rather than specific tactics for parenting. There are exercises at the end of each chapter that encourage self-reflection and journaling. Each chapter concludes with a “spotlight on science,” which covers neuroscience research that backs up the recommendations found earlier in the chapter. Topics covered in this book include:
Fundamentals and patterns of childhood attachment
Adult attachment
Communication
The importance of stories
Mindfulness for developing personal awareness
Unique and most important aspects
This is the fifth book by Dr. Siegel that I have reviewed and the first co-authored by Mary Hartzell. There are common themes in Dr. Siegel’s books, such as the importance of attachment and mindfulness, and this book is no exception. Readers might be surprised to learn how much of this book discusses neuroscience research (over 1/3 of the book is on neurobiological findings). This book was first published in 2003 and then republished with some newer neuroscience research performed before 2014. Important concepts from Parenting from the Inside Out include:
Communicating to parents that no matter their past experiences, they can improve their parenting and enhance the development of their children
The Practices of Integrative Communication
Higher and lower modes of information processing
Types of parent-child disconnection and rupture
The importance of relationship repair
Best quotes
“As we grow and understand ourselves we can offer a foundation of emotional well-being and security that enables our children to thrive.”
“Contrary to what many people believe, your early experiences do not determine your fate. If you had a difficult childhood but have come to make sense of those experiences, you are not bound to re-create the same negative interactions with your own children.”
“Children try to understand and make sense out of their experiences. Telling your children the story of an experience can help them integrate both the events and the emotional content of that experience.”
“Healthy relationships require that we make choices that support our children’s need for love and nurturing and create experiences that bring structure to the complex dynamic of the parent-child relationship.”
Who would enjoy this book?
Readers who want a parenting book that looks broadly at attachment, personal experience and mindfulness and includes neuroscience research findings would likely enjoy Parenting from the Inside Out.
Who would not enjoy this book?
Readers who are looking for specific parenting strategies might not enjoy Parenting from the Inside Out. Readers looking for a shorter and more recent book by Dr. Siegel on attachment might enjoy The Power of Showing Up (See Len’s Book Review).
Conclusion
Parenting from the Inside Out is a good book for parents to better understand how their experiences have shaped their interactions with their children and the steps they can take to improve their parenting.