Book Review – Boundaries for Your Soul
Image: Boundaries for Your Soul by Len Lantz (CC BY-NC-ND)
Synopsis: Len's Star Rating: 9 out of 10. A helpful book on accepting and managing difficult emotions, thoughts, and memories by using a Christian-oriented application of Internal Family Systems (IFS) approaches and interpersonal boundary setting.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD / 12.1.2022; No. 97
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Star Rating – 9 out of 10
Rating guide: 1 = horrible, 5 = average and 10 = wow
Authors
Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller
About the authors
Alison Cook, PhD, is a psychologist and author of two books on integrating Christian faith and psychology. She achieved a master’s degree in counseling from Denver Seminary and her PhD in religion and psychology from the University of Denver. She is the creator and host of a popular podcast called The Best of You, which is also the title of her second book.
Kimberly Miller, MTh, LMFT, is a speaker, retreat leader, and marriage and family therapist. She obtained her master’s degree in theology from Regent College in Vancouver and a master’s degree in clinical psychology from Azuza Pacific University.
General description
Boundaries for Your Soul is a Christian approach to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz combined with interpersonal boundary-setting approaches, which were popularized by authors Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Boundaries for Your Soul is organized into 3 parts:
Reimagining Your Soul
The Five Steps of Taking a You-Turn
Working with Challenging Emotions
The goal of this book is to help the reader calm and befriend unwanted thoughts and feelings and transform them into internal allies. The authors include personal stories, clinical vignettes, exercises, and a quiz. Topics covered in this book include:
Envisioning and seeking a “Spirit-led self”
Explaining concepts from Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory including three distinct protective systems or subpersonalities of the self
The Manager
The Firefighter
The Exile
Defining and applying internal and external boundaries
Unique and most important aspects
Boundaries for Your Soul is a clever and helpful adaptation of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy approach. The IFS model has six parts, or “6 F’s,” including: Find, Focus, Flesh Out, Feel Toward, Befriend, and Fear. A person receiving IFS therapy is encouraged to follow these six steps to stay compassionate and curious when dealing with the parts of themselves that are protective but also problematic. The authors of Boundaries for Your Soul created a unique blending of the IFS approach to incorporate spiritual beliefs and boundary setting. Rather than forcing the application of the 6 F’s in their approach, Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller created the “Five Steps of a You-Turn”:
Focus on part of you that is overwhelming
Befriend the part of you that you like
Invite Jesus to draw near
Unburden the weary part of yourself
Integrate that part into your “internal team of rivals”
It’s worth pointing out that Boundaries for Your Soul is not intended to take the place of psychotherapy. Instead, the book helps the reader begin the process of IFS in a faith-based manner. In the final section of the book, the authors explain how to apply their IFS approach in setting boundaries. The focus on boundary setting relates more to setting boundaries on emotions and less to interactions with other people. Boundary-setting topics include:
Anger
Fear and anxiety
Sadness
Envy and desire
Guilt and shame
Conflicts with others
Best quotes
“Boundaries for Your Soul is the first book that focuses entirely on applying boundaries concepts to your internal thoughts and feelings.”
“The best way to care for the overwhelming parts of your soul involves inviting God’s Holy Spirit to be with them.”
“Likewise, psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend refer to a ‘space inside’ where you can experience your feelings without fear of judgment – a place where these parts of your soul can receive the attention they need so you don’t act in hurtful ways.”
Who would enjoy this book?
Readers who are interested in a faith-oriented application of Internal Family Systems approaches and setting boundaries with their emotions are likely to enjoy Boundaries for Your Soul.
Who would not enjoy this book?
Readers who are looking for a book primarily focused on setting boundaries with others or who expect the book to replace psychotherapy are unlikely to enjoy Boundaries for Your Soul.
Conclusion
Boundaries for Your Soul is a helpful book on accepting and managing difficult emotions, thoughts, and memories by using a Christian-oriented application of Internal Family Systems (IFS) approaches and interpersonal boundary setting.